Understanding based on Evolutionary Psychology
Attention-seeking behaviour likely evolved as an adaptive mechanism to ensure survival and reproductive success. By attracting attention, individuals could gain access to resources, secure social bonds, increase mating opportunities, and establish status within a group.
Humans are inherently social creatures, and attention-seeking behaviour has evolved to maintain social connections. It also displays desirable traits to potential mates or establishes dominance within a social hierarchy.
Additionally, attention-seeking behaviour may help individuals cope with feelings of insecurity or low self-esteem and can vary in expression, with extreme forms associated with specific personality disorders. Cultural norms and societal expectations can also influence the expression of attention-seeking behaviour.
I am influenced, moment by moment, by human nature, by an instinct that exists to ensure the survival of my species. This survival instinct controls me with an unconscious reflex that causes me to behave selfishly and aggressively towards others whenever my survival is judged to be at risk.
Too often find myself acting in ways that do not reflect the person I want to be. Afterwards, it’s difficult to explain my behaviour. My physiology is overheated on these occasions, and I act without conscious intention. I react first and devise a strategy to explain my actions second.
The process starts with physiological arousal, followed by reactions. Often, I have reacted before my brain catches up and justifies my actions. Blame, being the most common justification, solidifies my feelings and actions, leading to even more arousal. This creates a cycle where dwelling on blame makes it feel more justified and intensifies my arousal. While instinct starts the arousal, thoughts caused by the arousal feed and escalate it.
When I feel strong emotions and behave badly, I blame others for making me act selfishly and destructively, it’s their fault. However, others aren’t to blame. Human nature is the culprit; my instinct is the cause.
Responsibility
Yet even though instinct might be at play, it’s still my instinct, feelings, and bad behaviour. So, I remain responsible for my actions. Instinct drives me to act in ways that ensure my survival and the survival of my species, but in doing so, it puts me at odds with my own values.
Instinct is constantly looking for threats to survival. But doing so makes me unhappy.
I have a natural instinct to seek safety in numbers, making being part of a group important. Seeking attention and approval from others helps me gain and maintain a place in a group, increasing the likelihood of receiving help when needed. When I am not valued by others, instinct causes frustration, which motivates me to seek attention. High frustration levels make me try too hard or not try at all. When frustration becomes more than I can tolerate, I’m more likely to behave in extreme ways to get attention.
So, if my attempts to be noticed and valued fail, I feel frustrated. Whether I’m ignored by others or receive attention accompanied by ridicule, this frustration grows. This excessive frustration leads to impatient behaviour, which demonstrates to others and myself that I am not a valued group member.
In any human conflict scenario, the influence of instinct on behaviour is noticeable if you know what to look for. Individuals frequently act to seek attention or to associate with a specific group, movement, or culture.
You might think you don’t do that. I encourage you to consider that if you are unaware of doing this, you will think that you don’t. However, others around you may have a different opinion if they are willing to express it.
Interestingly, while I can readily observe these behaviours in others, I often fail to recognize similar inclinations in myself. They are unconscious to me.
The group of people “succeeding in life” is becoming smaller, while the group “not succeeding in life” is growing. Regardless of how you define success, the first group is shrinking, and the second group is growing.
I want to be in the first group.
Once I get accepted by a group, membership defines how I should act and feel. I need to act and feel in ways acceptable to the group because any risk of rejection triggers my negative human nature, and my instinct takes over. When this happens, I behave and feel in ways I don’t understand.
Instinct drives children to skip school and teenagers to commit crimes to get attention and positive affirmation from their peers or their gang.
Although there are other reasons, such as family issues, boredom, substance abuse, and mental health issues, all of these can be understood as efforts to increase social standing within a group, satisfying the instinct within human nature to survive.
Incidentally, why do you think screens (phones, tablets, computers) have such power over some kids? Because screens give full, complete and instant attention. Immediate attention soothes the demands of human nature.
This blog will provide many more examples of the role of human nature in our lives. If you would like to understand how instinct operates in a personal conflict or one you know of, please provide some details, and I will illustrate the influence of instinct in the conflict and how to deal with it.
Understanding why people exhibit aggression and avoidance can help us deal with interpersonal conflict involving our children, partners, neighbours, bosses, colleagues, social groups, friends, community, or strangers. Such an understanding can help us accept things and provide strategies and tactics to cope and, where possible, change.
Sharing this understanding with those we care about could improve your family, relationship, work, and community.
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